I wonder when or even if this date will ever come and go and I will remember it only as August 4, the date my first beautiful niece Moira was born. Will I ever not see those last dates in July on the calender and the first few in August and replay them minute by minute, second by second, the events that unfolded the summer of 2009. The day the Doctors took us up to the 11th floor and I handed over our baby to the anesthesiologist. The hours that passed as we waited for news-any news. The nurse with the dark red hair who was reporting back to us from the OR. Us being escorted to that small, pastel colored conference room where we waited for our surgeon to explain to us what went wrong. Will I ever forget the way our baby looked-chest open, bypass machine pumping blood into his swollen and listless body? Will I ever be able to close my eyes and not see him lying there? All the while keenly aware that Keith and I were struggling to keep it together while our family and friends felt so helpless-offering everything they could but knowing even that wasn't enough?
I am not sure if the time will ever come when I don't re-live this day, the week prior, and the months to follow. But I am not really sure that's a bad thing. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Sometimes looking back can be just what we need to see how far we've come.
We made it.
2 full years later post-OHS.
And this month we celebrate 1 whole year of no Ng tube...things just keep getting better for our boy.
He did it.
Today we celebrate life...we celebrate the past no matter how scary, and the present-no matter how uncertain. It teaches us to love bigger and to love stronger, and it reminds us of how truly precious life is.
Happy heart day, to all our loves:)
(Even Elmo gets extra kisses today:)
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